I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
