I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i think i just lost a toe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
