She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
