i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize