Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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