Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
