i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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