I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
