There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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