I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
