dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
