Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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