I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
