I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
