New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
