I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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