I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
