someone threw a dead crab at me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
