And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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