true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
