The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
