I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
