Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
