Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
