i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
