I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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