Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
