i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
