also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
