____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
