i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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