Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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