Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
