There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
