doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
