how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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