Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
