My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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