we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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