So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
