so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
