When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
