Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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