Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
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