Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
