I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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