I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize