i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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