..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
