Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
