i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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