my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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