I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize