you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
