we have pet lesbian snakes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
