i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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