# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize