We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
