i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Shame is for Republicans.
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