How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
