whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize