I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
