Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
