I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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