I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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