Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
