I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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