the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
