I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
don't judge my taste in strippers
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
