i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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