I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
