I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
