just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
