dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm experimenting with sincerity
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize