im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
