i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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