Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
try to milk me bitch
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