People in love make me want to vomit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
