dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i permit you to call me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
