Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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