I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
