Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
