I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
