i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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