During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
