Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
