just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
