I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
