So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
someone threw a dead crab at me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
