forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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