Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
