i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize