I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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