Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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