I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My life is pants optional.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
