We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
