I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
