i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
