I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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