I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
