i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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