Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have fence marks all over my body
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who died my cat blue again?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
