I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
