I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
