you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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