i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
