Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
