4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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