I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
false alarm, still single
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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